• God made us for relationships.  First, relationship with Him.  Second, relationship with others.

Mark 12:30-31 ESV

And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

Humanity’s Three Basic Needs:

1. LOVE

1 John 4:7 Passion

Those who are loved by God, let his love continually pour from you to one another, because God is love. Everyone who loves is fathered by God and experiences an intimate knowledge of him.

1 Corinthians 16:14 Passion

Let love and kindness be the motivation behind all that you do.

2. SECURITY

Psalm 40:2 ESV

He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.

Philippians 4:19 NLT

And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.

3. SIGNIFICANCE

Ephesians 2:10 NLT

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

Psalm 139:13-14 NLT

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.

Five Unhealthy Personality Types:

#1) THE COMPLIANT: THE “PEACE AT ANY PRICE” PERSONALTY

• Frequently, they are people who were raised by aggressive parents who controlled them by using a combination of guilt, rejection, and condemnation to assure proper behavior.
• These individuals so fear rejection that they will go to great lengths to please people, sometimes at the expense of their own convictions.
• Unfortunately, they are an easy mark for selfish people who might use or abuse them.

John 2:15 NLT

Jesus made a whip from some ropes and chased them all out of the Temple. He drove out the sheep and cattle, scattered the money changers’ coins over the floor, and turned over their tables.

• Jesus’ gentle, meek, and humble spirit must not be confused with compliance.
• Compliant people must realize that they are not jeopardizing the fulfillment of their needs when they establish healthy limits. They must conquer the fear of rejection and stand as Jesus did.

#2) THE CONTROLLER: THE “JEZEBEL” PERSONALITY

• Jezebels are controlling and manipulative people.

Matthew 24:4-5 NLT

Jesus told them, “Don’t let anyone mislead you, for many will come in my name, claiming, ‘I am the Messiah.’ They will deceive many.

Galatians 5:1 Passion

Let me be clear, the Anointed One has set us free—not partially, but completely and wonderfully free! We must always cherish this truth and stubbornly refuse to go back into the bondage of our past.

• Controllers are selfish as they control and manipulate others into meeting their own needs of love, security, and significance.

Here are some of the characteristics of a controller:

A. Selfishness

B. Irresponsibility

Matthew 7:3-5 NLT

“And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.

C. Boundary Violation

2 Corinthians 11:20 NLT

You put up with it when someone enslaves you, takes everything you have, takes advantage of you, takes control of everything, and slaps you in the face.

D. Rebellion

Proverbs 28:9 Passion

If you close your heart and refuse to listen to God’s instruction, even your prayer will be despised.

Romans 13:1-2 Passion

Every person must submit to and support the authorities over him. For there can be no authority in the universe except by God’s appointment, which means that every authority that exists has been instituted by God. So to resist authority is to resist the divine order of God, which results in severe consequences.

E. Guilt & Self-Pity

F. Deception

G. Obsessive Performance

#3) THE CIRCUMVENTER: THE “AVOIDER” PERSONALITY

• These individuals are people who fear and avoid feelings and relationships. They usually believe that their feelings are weak and unimportant, or they fear betrayal.
• This style of relating many times has its roots in deep wounds.

1 John 4:20 NLT

If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?

• People can usually only go as deep in relationship with God as they can go with their earthly relationships.

#4) THE “COLD AS ICE” PERSONALITY

• These individuals, unlike the avoider, appear not to have any emotions.

Hebrews 3:12-13 Passion

So search your hearts every day, my brothers and sisters, and make sure that none of you has evil or unbelief hiding within you. For it will lead you astray, and make you unresponsive to the living God. This is the time to encourage each other to never be stubborn or hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.

#5) THE CLOWN: THE “PERFORMER” PERSONALITY

• This individual is forever on stage, living his life to satisfy a fickle audience whose demands change from person to person and from situation to situation.

Galatians 1:10 NLT

Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.

John 12:43 Passion

For they loved the glory that men could give them rather than the glory that came from God!

CONCLUSION (THE ANSWER)

• How does a believer go about correcting the abuses he recognizes in his life?
  • The answer lies in a personal and intimate relationship with God through Jesus Christ.
• To enrich our relationship with God, we must spend the time it takes to know Him and recognize His voice.

Psalm 25:4-5 NLT

Show me the right path, O LORD; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you.

• Because sin separates us from Him, repentance will bring us closer to Him.

2 Corinthians 7:9-11 NLT

Now I am glad I sent it, not because it hurt you, but because the pain caused you to repent and change your ways. It was the kind of sorrow God wants his people to have, so you were not harmed by us in any way. For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death. Just see what this godly sorrow produced in you! Such earnestness, such concern to clear yourselves, such indignation, such alarm, such longing to see me, such zeal, and such a readiness to punish wrong. You showed that you have done everything necessary to make things right.

• Because repentance removes pride, it produces humility.
• True love is God’s love— Agape love = love based on decision, where sacrifice for others is honored above feelings.
• The answer to truly knowing yourself is to know Him.
• Getting to know the real, unadulterated, unboxed, complete Holy God occurs when you do these 3 things…

1) Time with God

2) Repentance

3) Reject Pride

Psalm 139:23-24 Passion

God, I invite your searching gaze into my heart.

Examine me through and through;

find out everything that may be hidden within me.

Put me to the test and sift through all my anxious cares.

See if there is any path of pain I’m walking on,

and lead me back to your glorious, everlasting ways—

the path that brings me back to you.