Matthew 18:15-20 NLT

15 “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. 16 But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. 17 If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.

18 Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. 19 Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”

• Conflict is not rare… it’s inevitable. If you’re in relationships—real relationships—then conflict is coming, or it’s already here. Will you handle it God’s way… or your way?

• A healthy church is one that has learned a redemptive way of thinking, perceiving and responding to conflicts in a constructive manner.

Conflict is a opportunity to grow.

4 COMMON REACTIONS TO CHURCH CONFLICTS:

#1) Excessive Spiritualization

#2) Deny

#3) Trivialize

#4) Guilt

You don’t make peace by ignoring conflict. Some of what you call peace… God calls avoidance.

THE 7 C’s OF CONFLICT RESPONSIBILITY

1– CONVICTION | 2– CONFRONTATION | 3– CLARIFICATION | 4– CONFESSION | 5– CHECK-UP | 6– COMMITMENT | 7– COMMISSION

PART 1) BEFORE THE CONFRONTATION

#1) CONVICTION: Present your heart to the Lord

Ephesians 4:25-27 ESV

Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.

Before you confront conflict:

PRAY — Align Your Heart

Psalm 86:11 ESV

Teach me your way, O LORD, that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name.

ADMIT — Own Your Own Part

Psalm 139:23-24 NLT

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Check Your Spirit:

A) Meekness/Gentleness

Galatians 6:1 ESV

Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.

B) Humbleness

James 4:10 ESV

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.

C) Forgiveness

Ephesians 4:31-32 ESV

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

D) Patience

Ephesians 4:1-3 ESV

1 I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

LISTEN — Understand Before Being Understood

James 1:19-20 NLT

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.

SPECIFY — Clarify The Issue, Not Attack The Person

CONCLUSION

• Although Matthew 18 strongly advices us to go and fix the koinonia, the loss of a connection due to sin, we must do it with a correct heart. You are not ready to confront them until you’ve surrendered yourself.
• Before we ever confront others, we must allow God to confront us—because avoided conflict creates division. But… God can take what’s been creating tension… and turn it into transformation.

Psalm 34:18 ESV

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Psalm 147:3 ESV

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

• God is not ignoring your pain. He wants to comfort your pain… He wants to transform what that pain is producing in you.
• God is calling you to confront your brother and sister His way so you can win them back.
  • He says, “If they listen… you’ve won your brother back.”
  • That’s the goal. Not to win the argument— But to win the relationship.
• But before you go to them… God is calling you to come to Him.
• Because before confrontation… comes conviction.
• Before you fix them… God wants to deal with you.
• Before you speak to their heart… God wants to search yours.

“Search me, O God… know my heart…”

Romans 14:19 NLT

So then, let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up.

• That’s the goal. That’s the mission. Not pretending everything is fine… But pursuing what is right.