Matthew 18:15-20 NLT

15 “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. 16 But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. 17 If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.

18 Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. 19 Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”

THE 7 C’s OF CONFLICT RESPONSIBILITY

1– CONVICTION |  2– CONFRONTATION |  3– CLARIFICATION |  4– CONFESSION | 5– CHECK-UP |  6– COMMITMENT |  7– COMMISSION

PART 1) BEFORE THE CONFRONTATION (RECAP)

#1) CONVICTION: Present your heart to the Lord

PRAY — Align Your Heart

ADMIT — Own Your Own Part

LISTEN — Understand Before Being Understood

SPECIFY — Clarify The Issue, Not Attack The Person

PART 2) DURING THE CONFRONTATION

#2) CONFRONTATION: Deal With It

A) PRIVATELY

Matthew 18:15 NLT

“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.

Leviticus 19:17 (ESV)

“You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but you shall reason frankly with your neighbor, lest you incur sin because of him.

B) WITNESS(ES)

Matthew 18:16 NLT

But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses.

C) CHURCH

Matthew 18:17a NLT

If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church.

#3) CLARIFICATION: Seek Truth & Understanding

Proverbs 12:16 NLT

A fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted.

Proverbs 12:22 NLT

The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in those who tell the truth.

James 3:2-6 (NLT)

2 Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.

3 We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. 4 And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. 5 In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches.

But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. 6 And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.

Ephesians 4:29 (ESV)

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

During clarification, your job is to:

A) ASK QUESTIONS… that help you understand their point of view. 

B) ACTIVELY LISTEN

James 1:19–20 (NLT)

You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger

does not produce the righteousness God desires.

C) SHARE YOUR HEART… so they can understand you.

D) SEEK TRUTH… and not just your version of it.

Psalm 25:5 (ESV)

Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.

Ephesians 4:15 (NIV)

Speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.

Colossians 4:6 (ESV)

Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.

#4) CONFESSION: Own Your Part

James 5:16 ESV

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

Colossians 3:13 ESV

bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

CONCLUSION

• Healing often begins with one hard conversation by a person choosing humility.
• Is there a conversation God is calling you to have?
• Because what you avoid today… will control you tomorrow.
• But what you confront God’s way… He can heal, restore, and transform.

• This week… take the next step God is calling you to take.
  • If you haven’t gone yet… Go. Privately. This week.
  • If you got defensive when someone came to you… Go back to them. Thank them for their honesty. Ask them to finish what they were trying to say.
  • If you know there’s something you need to confess… Don’t wait for them to go first. Own your part. Be the one who breaks the cycle.
• Because the goal isn’t to win the argument… It’s to win the relationship.