Matthew 18:15-20 NLT

15 “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. 16 But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. 17 If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.

18 Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. 19 Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”

THE 7 C’s OF CONFLICT RESPONSIBILITY

1– CONVICTION |  2– CONFRONTATION |  3– CLARIFICATION |  4– CONFESSION | 5– CHECK-UP |  6– COMMITMENT |  7– COMMISSION

PART 1) BEFORE THE CONFRONTATION (RECAP)

#1) CONVICTION: Present your heart to the Lord

PRAY — Align Your Heart

ADMIT — Own Your Own Part

LISTEN — Understand Before Being Understood

SPECIFY — Clarify The Issue, Not Attack The Person

PART 2) DURING THE CONFRONTATION

#2) CONFRONTATION: Deal With It

• Go privately first. Then bring 1 or 2 witnesses if needed. Then to the church if needed.

#3) CLARIFICATION: Seek Truth & Understanding

• Celebrate the courage it took for someone to be honest with you.

During clarification, your job is to:

A) ASK QUESTIONS… that help you understand their point of view. 

B) ACTIVELY LISTEN

C) SHARE YOUR HEART… so they can understand you.

D) SEEK TRUTH… and not just your version of it.

#4) CONFESSION: Own Your Part

• If you’ve done or said things sinfully, own it. Don’t minimize it.

Confrontation is your responsibility. Restoration is God’s.

Romans 12:18 (NIV)

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

PART 3) BEYOND THE CONFRONTATION

#5) CHECK-UP: Follow-up With Them

Proverbs 20:5 (NIV)

The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.

• Restoration is a process, not a moment.
• Don’t assume it’s healed — be intentional to check.
• Follow-up proves you care beyond the moment.
• You might think it’s over, but you never know until you check in.

#6) COMMITMENT: Protect The Peace You’ve Made

• The enemy knows that the most vulnerable moment in any reconciliation is right after the breakthrough.

Hebrews 12:14-15 (NLT)

Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord. Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.

Matthew 5:9 (ESV)

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

• Don’t give instigators an audience.
• Don’t rehearse the offense after you’ve forgiven it.
• Don’t let someone else’s agenda become a weapon against your restoration.
• Be a minister of reconciliation — not a messenger of division.
• Protecting unity is everyone’s responsibility — including protecting it from those who would undo it.

#7) COMMISSION: Release Them To God

Matthew 18:17b NLT

…Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.

• Letting go is not failure. It is obedience — when it’s done God’s way, in God’s time.

Not every relationship is restored—but every situation must be surrendered.

Acts 15:36-41 (ESV)

36 And after some days Paul said to Barnabas, “Let us return and visit the brothers in every city where we proclaimed the word of the Lord, and see how they are.” 37 Now Barnabas wanted to take with them John called Mark. 38 But Paul thought best not to take with them one who had withdrawn from them in Pamphylia and had not gone with them to the work. 39 And there arose a sharp disagreement, so that they separated from each other. Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus, 40 but Paul chose Silas and departed, having been commended by the brothers to the grace of the Lord. 41 And he went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches.

Titus 3:10-11 (ESV)

As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.

2 Timothy 4:14-15 (ESV)

Alexander the coppersmith did me great harm; the Lord will repay him according to his deeds. Beware of him yourself, for he strongly opposed our message.

3 John 1:9-10 (NLT)

I wrote to the church about this, but Diotrephes, who loves to be the leader, refuses to have anything to do with us. When I come, I will report some of the things he is doing and the evil accusations he is making against us. Not only does he refuse to welcome the traveling teachers, he also tells others not to help them. And when they do help, he puts them out of the church.

1 Corinthians 5:11 (NLT)

I meant that you are not to associate with anyone who claims to be a believer yet indulges in sexual sin, or is greedy, or worships idols, or is abusive, or is a drunkard, or cheats people. Don’t even eat with such people.

CONCLUSION

• If you are at that point today — if you’re considering whether it’s time to Commission someone out of your inner circle — here is a checklist to guard your heart:
  • Make sure your purpose is restoration and protection of the community — not retaliation or self-protection.
  • Have you followed the Matthew 18 principle completely?
  • Have you sought wise counsel from someone not emotionally tied to the situation?
  • Have you brought a neutral, mature person with a heart for reconciliation?
  • Are you genuinely open to reconciliation if they respond?
  • Regardless of the outcome, are you committed to continuing the Lord’s work?

When reconciliation isn’t possible, faithfulness still is.

Jeremiah 17:9 (NLT)

The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?

• We need wise counsel, the Holy Spirit’s discernment, and the humility to ask God to search us — before we make any final decisions about a relationship.

Ephesians 4:3 (NLT)

Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.

Psalm 133 NLT

1 How wonderful and pleasant it is when brothers live together in harmony!

2 For harmony is as precious as the anointing oil that was poured over Aaron’s head, that ran down his beard and onto the border of his robe.

3 Harmony is as refreshing as the dew from Mount Hermon that falls on the mountains of Zion. And there the LORD has pronounced his blessing, even life everlasting.

Romans 14:19 NLT

So then, let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up.

2 Corinthians 13:14 (NLT)

May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.

• We are all called to the fellowship of the Holy Spirit. The koinonia. The deep, covenant, Spirit-empowered community that the world cannot manufacture and the enemy cannot destroy.
• It’s time to live out His Word. Seek the unity of the Holy Spirit. And let the blessing flow.