Proverbs 14:12 ESV

There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.

Jeremiah 7:24 ESV

But they did not obey or incline their ear, but walked in their own counsels and the stubbornness of their evil hearts, and went backward and not forward.

6 SIGNS (+1 Bonus) OF AN UPCOMING DEFEAT

HARSH STARTUP

FLOODING

PHYSIOLOGICAL DISTRESS

BAD MEMORIES

FAILED REPAIR ATTEMPTS

THE FOUR HORSEMEN

Four Relationship Destroyers:

#1) CRITICISM

• Attack the person, not the problem.

• Your focus ends up being to hurt the person, to belittle them, to shame them, to make them suffer and pay.

Proverbs 18:20-21ESV

From the fruit of a man’s mouth his stomach is satisfied; he is satisfied by the yield of his lips. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.

• You have a critical spirit when your focus is attacking someone’s identity rather than the issue.

• A critical spirit usually comes from an emptiness in our own lives that we are trying to enforce others to fulfill.

Proverbs 15:1 ESV

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

#2) CONTEMPT

• Contempt is seeing someone as beneath you.
• A Contemptuous spirit will not take responsibility for their actions but rather be judgmental.

• You no longer see what God sees in your spouse but rather see them with the lens of Contempt as a judge.

Matthew 7:1-5 ESV

1 “Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. 3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

• You would never have contempt if you just looked first at the grace you need.

Luke 7:47 ESV

Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.”

#3) DEFENSIVENESS

• You justify your reactions.

James 1:19-20 ESV

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

• One of the reasons people are defensive is because they feel that they are being attacked.

• If you have a defensive attitude, you will never grow.

Proverbs 12:1 NKJV

Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, But he who hates correction is stupid.

Proverbs 1:5 ESV

Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance,

1 Thessalonians 2:13 ESV

And we also thank God constantly for this, that when you received the word of God, which you heard from us, you accepted it not as the word of men but as what it really is, the word of God, which is at work in you believers.

• Another reason people are defensive is because they don’t feel safe.

#4) STONEWALLING

• You are no longer fighting back with words. You have created a wall in your heart of separation.

Ephesians 5:21 ESV

submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

• People that are stonewalling, have made a decision that they are safer, better off alone, than being with the one you pledged to love forever.

2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

CONCLUSION (Bonus 7th Sign)

Ephesians 4:17-24 ESV

Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. But that is not the way you learned Christ!— assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

• God has not called us to live our lives like everyone else. He has a perfect plan for our marriage. We need to stop fighting wrong… Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, Stonewalling… That’s not how we should fight. We fight sin and not each other. We fight for each other.

• After these 4 horsemen, if we are not careful, unfaithfulness will come in and give it the final blow to the marriage.

UNFAITHFULNESS (7th Sign)

= putting your heart into something else above your spouse.

• Maybe you are not cheating on your spouse with another person. Maybe you are cheating on your spouse with your…
  • Job
  • Hobbies
  • Friendships
  • Church ministry
  • Kids

• God hates divorce… because it hurts his creation. It destroys relationships.

Some possible reasons for a divorce:

(1) SEXUAL IMMORALITY (Matthew 19:8-9)

(2) ABUSE (Romans 13:1-2)

(3) ABANDON (Exodus 21:10-11 & 1 Corinthians 7:14-15)

• We will never win in this battlefield of love if we are not fighting as a team. It is a team fight… not a solo fight. You need your ally.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 ESV

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.